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Sipurei Savta: Grandmother's Stories of Wit and Wisdom

by Joanie Calem

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1. Gramma’s Stone Stew ©2017 Well the war was finally over and a soldier walked along. It was time to make some peace, and he hummed a little song: Chorus I’ve got a pot and my Gramma’s stone, and I bet you’ve got stuff too! With a little from here and a little from there, together we’ll make a great stew! He was really, really hungry, he hadn’t eaten in days. But he had a pot and he had a stone and his Gramma’s cookin’ ways. Ahead he saw a village, it looked like a friendly place. He thought he’d find a good meal, for a soldier folks always made space. Chorus But as he got closer, it seemed no one was around No neighborly discussions, no happy sounds. All he wanted was a good meal, and a place to spend the night. So he walked up to the first house, and knocked with all his might. Chorus The old man who answered said, “Son I’d really love to help. But I’ve just got a few onions, I can’t even feed myself.” At the next house was a young girl, she just had a few mushrooms. And the next lady just had tomatoes, stored in her tiny room. Chorus No one had much, well that was plain to see. One house just had carrots, another zucchini. So the soldier went to the town square, and set down his pot He said, “Alone no one’s got enough, but together we’ve got a lot.” Chorus He put out his pot, put in the stone, Got water from the well, lit a fire from dry pine cones. Then the soldier told the folks who had followed him to the square “My gramma had a special way of cooking, using bits from here and there!” Chorus The old man’s eyes twinkled, he understood what the soldier meant, He brought over his onions, and into the pot they went. The girl with her mushrooms, well she brought salt + pepper too Soon tomatoes, carrots, and zucchini, were added to the stew. Chorus Now villagers were gathering, and everyone brought some food The stew was simmering, it smelled so good. The soldier took the first taste, stirred the pot, Said, “Just like Gramma said, together we’ve got a lot.” Chorus
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2. Something From Nothing, ©2017 I had a little coat that was very, very old, La la la…. Though it was all worn out, I loved it more than gold, La la la …. So I wondered what to do, and then I made a jacket, almost good as new, La la la …. La la la …. Then I made a jacket almost good as new. I had a little jacket that was very, very old, La la la…. Though it was all worn out, I loved it more than gold, La la la …. So I wondered what to do, and then I made a vest, almost good as new, La la la …. La la la …. Then I made a vest almost good as new. I had a little vest that was very, very old, La la la…. Though it was all worn out, I loved it more than gold, La la la …. So I wondered what to do, and then I made a tie, almost good as new, La la la …. La la la …. Then I made a tie almost good as new. I had a little tie that was very, very old, La la la…. Though it was all worn out, I loved it more than gold, La la la …. So I wondered what to do, and then I made a button, almost good as new, La la la …. La la la …. Then I made a button almost good as new. I had a little button that was very, very old, La la la…. Though it was all worn out, I loved it more than gold, La la la …. So I wondered all day long, but the button turned to nothing, the material was gone, La la la …. La la la …. The button turned to nothing, the material was gone. Now I have a little nothing, just a memory so old, La la la…. Though it is all worn out, I still love it more than gold, La la la …. So I wondered what to do, and then I made this song, and it is good as new, La la la …. La la la …. Then I made this song, and I sing it with you.
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3. Grandfather and the Enormous Carrot ©1998 Grandfather planted the carrot in his garden, he watered it carefully. He fretted and he muttered, and he weeded and he puttered, then he let that carrot be. And it grew and it grew and it grew and it grew, ‘til it was so big that grandfather knew That he’d never get it out, but… He pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled, but nothing helped, that carrot wouldn’t move. So Grandfather called to Grandmother, come help me if you please Our carrot is huge and I just can’t move it, but with your help I’ll do it with ease. So Grandfather and Grandmother, they pulled and they pulled and they pulled and they pulled, But nothing helped, that carrot wouldn’t move So Grandmother called to my mama, come help us if your please Our carrot is huge and I just can’t move it, but with your help I’ll do it with ease. So Grandfather and Grandmother and Mama, they pulled and they pulled and they pulled and they pulled, But nothing helped, that carrot wouldn’t move So Mama called me from my homework, come help us if you please Our carrot is huge and I just can’t move it, but with your help I’ll do it with ease. So Grandfather and Grandmother and Mama and me, we pulled and we pulled and we pulled and we pulled, But nothing helped, that carrot wouldn’t move. So then I called to Farfel my dog, come help us if you please Our carrot is huge and I just can’t move it, but with your help I’ll do it with ease. So Grandfather and Grandmother and Mama and me and Farfel the dog, we pulled and we pulled and we pulled and we pulled, but nothing helped, that carrot wouldn’t move. So Farfel called to Kashka the cat, come help us if you please Our carrot is huge and I just can’t move it, but with your help I’ll do it with ease. So Grandfather and Grandmother and Mama and me and Farfel the dog and Kashka the cat, we pulled and we pulled and we pulled and we pulled, but nothing helped, that carrot wouldn’t move. So Kashka called to Pitzi the mouse, come help us if you please. Our carrot is huge and we just can’t move it, But with your help we’ll do it with ease. So Grandfather and Grandmother and mama and me, and Farfel the dog and Kashka the cat and Pitzi the mouse, We pulled and we pulled and we pulled and we pulled, and this time it worked, the great carrot moved! Down came Grandfather, down came Grandmother, Down came Mama, down came me! Down came Farfel, down came Kashka, Down came Pitzi, and the carrot was free! Accompanying hand motions: Grandfather: put one hand on chin like a beard Grandmother: put “glasses” around eyes with forefinger and thumb of each hand Mama: put on big “earrings” with forefinger and thumb of each hand on each ear lobe Me: point at self Farfel: put pretend dog ears on top of head with forefinger and thumb in triangle shape Kashka: put fingers of each hand pointing out from nose like whiskers Pitzi: point at nose Do each motion as each name is repeated……
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4. It Could Always Be Worse ©2000 Once there was an old man, he lived in one small room. Everything seemed too noisy, it made him want to fume. The bed squeak- squeaked, and the floor creak-creaked. The leaves rattle-rattled, and the shutters clatter-clattered. Well the old man needed help, he simply could not sleep. He went to see a wise-woman, she said “Bring inside your sheep!“ So now………….the bed squeak- squeaked, and the floor creak-creaked! The leaves rattle-rattled, and the shutters clatter-clattered, and the sheep baa-baaed! Well the old man needed help, he was feeling a little wonkey, The wise-woman told him this, “Go bring inside your donkey!” So now……the bed squeak- squeaked, and the floor creak-creaked! The leaves rattle-rattled, and the shutters clatter-clattered. The sheep baa-baaed, and the donkey hee-hawed! The old man needed help, he went to sleep in his boat The wise-woman told him this, “Go bring inside your goat!” So now……the bed squeak- squeaked, and the floor creak-creaked! The leaves rattle-rattled, and the shutters clatter-clattered. The sheep baa-baaed, and the donkey hee-hawed, and the goat mah-mahed! Well the old man needed help, he felt he was out of luck The wise-woman told him this, “Go bring inside your duck!” So now……the bed squeak- squeaked, and the floor creak-creaked! The leaves rattle-rattled, and the shutters clatter-clattered. The sheep baa-baaed, and the donkey hee-hawed. The goat mah-mahed, and the duck quack quacked! Well the old man needed help, he needed a little booster The wise-woman told him this, “Go bring inside your rooster!” So now… The bed squeak- squeaked, And the floor creak-creaked! The leaves rattle- rattled, And the shutters clatter-clattered. The sheep baa-baaed, the donkey hee-hawed. The goat mah-mahed, and the duck quack quacked, and the rooster cockadoodledoo! Oh the old man needed help, his house was just too loud. The wise-woman told him this, “Go bring inside your cow!” So now… The bed squeak- squeaked, And the floor creak-creaked! The leaves rattle- rattled, And the shutters clatter-clattered. The sheep baa-baaed, the donkey hee-hawed. The goat mah-mahed, and the duck quack quacked. The rooster cockadoodledoo, and the cow moo-mooed! Now the house was really crazy, and full of animals too. He went back to that wise woman, this really wouldn’t do! The wise woman told him this, I know just what to do. Take away all the animals, and see how that suits you. Put the sheep and the donkey out in the yard. Put the goat and the duck out on the farm. Put the rooster and the cow out in the barn. So now………… The bed still squeaks, and the floor still creaks. The leaves still rattle, and the shutters still clatter …………and it seems so quiet!
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5. This Too Shall Pass ©2009 גם זה יעבור (Gam zeh ya’avor), this too shall pass Life’s full of changes, some slow, some fast. There are good times and bad, of this you can be sure Nothing lasts forever, גם זה יעבור History tells us stories of King Solomon the wise. On issues large and small he was asked to advise. And part of his greatness was his willingness to learn, so listen to this tale of how fortunes turn. The king’s servant Benaiah was the most loyal in the land, whatever Solomon needed, Benaiah was on hand. Quiet and faithful, Benaiah loved the king, but one day he boasted that he’d never failed at anything. גם זה יעבור (Gam zeh ya’avor), this too shall pass Life’s full of changes, some slow, some fast. There are good times and bad, of this you can be sure Nothing lasts forever, גם זה יעבור (spoken) So the king made up a story, a task for Benaiah to do, about a ring that didn’t exist, to teach a lesson or two. He said, “I’ve heard of a ring that is special indeed. It makes a happy man sad, and a sad man fill with glee. It will make a poor man smile, and a rich man frown. Please bring me this ring, I don’t know where it’s found.” Benaiah was thrilled to take up this cause, he eagerly set off, he didn’t even pause. Up and down he searched, in every corner of the land, mountains high, valleys low, beaches made of sand. גם זה יעבור (Gam zeh ya’avor), this too shall pass Life’s full of changes, some slow, some fast. There are good times and bad, of this you can be sure Nothing lasts forever, גם זה יעבור He didn’t know of course that this was the king’s plan. Solomon expected him to return a humbled man. But as he entered Jerusalem, the city of peace. He walked slowly through the gates, feeling his defeat An old man beside him, gave him a knowing look, pulled out a ring, three words wiser than a book. This was the ring, the king’s little trick, this was the ring, it really did exist. Both Benaiah and Solomon learned so long ago, You just never know what will happen, or how the wind will blow. Yes both Benaiah and Solomon learned in their own way, The lesson that is sounding throughout our world today. Fortunes come and fortunes go, empires fall and rise, It’s not what you have that matters, but who you are inside. יעבור גם זה(Gam zeh ya’avor), this too shall pass Life’s full of changes, some slow, some fast. There are good times and bad, of this you can be sure Nothing lasts forever, גם זה יעבור
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6. The Queen of Sheba and King Solomon ©2009 When the answer to a riddle is brought by something small, it takes a very wise soul, to notice it at all. Nature’s the wisest teacher we will ever find, and it’s the wisest among us, who listen, and pay mind. Well the Queen of Sheba came from Africa, drawn by King Solomon’s name. Wisdom and kindness were central to his fame. They say that she was beautiful and ruled with a just hand. She wanted to meet this king, thought the wisest in the land. So she came bearing riches, treasures of every kind, Birds made from jewels, carpets that could fly. She also brought a challenge, to test the king’s mind. Was he as smart as they said, or just a regular guy? Two vases of flowers she set before the king. They looked exactly alike, identical in everything. But only one was real, the other just gems and gold. He had to choose the real one, he could only look, not hold. King Solomon gazed slowly at each bouquet. They both had the same flowers, arranged in the same way. They both had green leaves, they both had drops of dew, King Solomon despaired of choosing, but then a bee flew into view. The king’s servant went to catch it, and remove it from the room. But the king knew this was the answer, that the bee would show the truth. And sure enough, without a pause, the bee settled on the real flowers. And Solomon raised his hand and pointed to the proof of Nature’s powers. The queen bowed respectfully, saw the king’s reputation was true. Though that messenger was very small, Solomon paid attention and knew, Nature’s the wisest teacher that we will ever find. And it’s the wisest among us, who listen, and pay mind. Yes, Nature’s the wisest teacher that we will ever find, And it’s the wisest among us, who listen, and pay mind.
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7. The Lamedvavniks ©2001 Chorus: And we just never know, we just never know, who the angels are, We just never know, we just never know, who the angels are. There’s a story told in whispers about a little plan, All through time there’ve been the wise ones, found throughout the land. A group of angels spread around in secret near and far, Not just one, not two or three but thirty-six there are. We never know just who they are and they’re not who we’d expect. Not the leaders, not the loud ones, the famous or elect. Maybe they’re a little odd, the ones whose eyes we won’t meet, The sweet woman no one’s got time for, the old man up the street. Chorus Sometimes they are children, often they are poor. They work in humble silence, no spotlights, no rewards, And as we hurry through our lives so busy in our days, How many angels do we meet along the way? And if you’re wondering why that number, it’s all a little math trick…. Eighteen is the number of life, times two is thirty-six. The thinking was we needed help and that’s what these folks do But they don’t even know themselves, it’s a secret to them too! Chorus And by the time we’ve understood, what might be going on, We turn around in quiet awe, but they’re already gone. Chorus
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9. Noah and the Ark ©2016 A long time ago (echo) Noah built a boat (echo) The biggest boat (echo) That you ever did see (echo) Well Noah built a big, big boat, And the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, (echo) The elephants came (echo) Yes the elephants stomped (echo) To beat the rain (echo) So the elephants stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat And the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat (echo) The jaguars came (echo) Yes the jaguars jumped(echo) To beat the rain (echo) Well the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped And Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the giraffes came, the giraffes they munched, to beat the rain…. Well the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the cats came, well the cats meowed, to beat the rain…. Well the cats they meowed-meowed, and the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the monkeys came, yes the monkeys swung, to beat the rain…. Well the monkeys swung and swung, the cats they meowed-meowed, and the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the red foxes came, yes the red foxes yipped, to beat the rain…. Well the red foxes yipped and yipped, the monkeys swung and swung, the cats they meowed-meowed, and the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the tapers came, yes the tapers sniffed, to beat the rain…. Well the tapers sniffed and sniffed, the red foxes yipped and yipped, the monkeys swung and swung, the cats they meowed-meowed, and the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the wolves came, well the wolves howled, to beat the rain…. Well the wolves howled and howled, the tapers sniffed and sniffed, the red foxes yipped and yipped, the monkeys swung and swung, the cats they meowed-meowed, the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And to that boat, the lions came, well the lions roared, to beat the rain…. Well the lions roared and roared, the wolves howled and howled, the tapers sniffed and sniffed, the red foxes yipped and yipped, the monkeys swung and swung, the cats they meowed-meowed, the giraffes they munched and munched, the jaguars they jumped and jumped, the elephants they stomped and stomped, and Noah built a big, big boat, and the rain it fell all around, all around, and the rain it fell all around. And the rain it fell, for forty days, then the sun came out, and the clouds went away. And a rainbow shone all around all around, a rainbow shone all around all around, Yes a rainbow shone all around.
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10. Hannah the Hanukah Dragon ©2014 Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine, She’s kind of scaley and green. Lots of folks are afraid of her but she’s the kindest soul I’ve ever seen. My friend loves Hannukah, Loves to watch the dreidles turn And she’s got a special talent, She can make the candles burn! Cause my friend is a dragon, Hannah is her name, And every time she sneezes AH CHOO! She lights one more flame! Chorus: Hannah the Hannukah dragon, With her candle-lighting AH-CHOOS Hannah the Hannukah dragon, Make sure she doesn’t sneeze on you! Hannah only comes around at Hanukah time, And guess what she loves to eat? Latkes and sufganyot, Are her very favorite treat. And I bet you know her favorite game - Yup, she loves to watch the dreidles spin…. She loves to play, doesn’t care where they land, Nun, gimmel, heh or shin!! Chorus: Hannah the Hannukah dragon, With her candle-lighting AH-CHOOS Hannah the Hannukah dragon, Make sure she doesn’t sneeze on you! Hannah sure loves Hannukah, She stays for all eight nights, She sings the blessings quietly, And dances in the candlelight. And on the last day of Hanukah, I know we’ve got to say goodbye Hannah will go back to her home, And remind me not to cry…. Cause next year at Hannukah time, I know she’ll come again. Bringing her candle-lighting sneezes….She’s my special Hannukah friend…. Chorus: Hannah the Hannukah dragon, With her candle-lighting AH-CHOOS Hannah the Hannukah dragon, Make sure she doesn’t sneeze on you! AH-CHOO!
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11. The Runaway Latke ©2005 Oh once there was a cook, who was really quite good, he made a latke for Hanukah, the best that he could. He grated the potatoes, he mixed and he fried, but from the frying pan, the latke jumped up and cried: “Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the latke man!” “Rutz, Rutz, ani levivah, lo titfos oti, ki ani mehir norah!” רוץ, רוץ, אני לביבה, לא תתפוס אותי,כי אני מהיר נורא! So the cook with the pan chased the latke man…………. They ran past a cow, mooing on the land, “Stop so I can eat you!” she called to the latke man. But he said, “Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the latke man!” “Rutzu, Rutuz, ani levivah, lo titfasu oti, ki ani mehir norah!” רוצו, רוצו, אני לביבה, לא תתפסו אותי, כי אני מהיר נורא! So the cow, and the cook with the pan, both chased the latke man……….. They ran past a horse, neighing on the land, “Stop so I can eat you!” she called to the latke man. But he said, “Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the latke man!” “Rutzu, Rutzu, ani levivah, lo titfasu oti, ki ani mehir norah!” רוצו, רוצו, אני לביבה, לא תתפסו אותי, כי אני מהיר נורא! The horse and the cow and the cook with the pan, all chased the latke man……. They ran past a dog, barking on the land, “Stop so I can eat you!” she called to the latke man. But he said, “Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the latke man!” “Rutzu, Rutzu, ani levivah, lo titfasu oti, ki ani mehir norah!” רוצו, רוצו, אני לביבה, לא תתפסו אותי, כי אני מהיר נורא! The dog and the horse and the cow and the cook with the pan, they all chased the latke man……. They couldn’t catch him, he was just too fast. So they stopped running, they gave up at last. So he ran and he ran, that latke man. But then he came to a river, and to cross he had no plan. Standing by a tree was a little red fox, “Climb onto my back, I’ll take you across!” And as they crossed the river, sure enough fox took a bite. But then the fox discovered a taste he did not like! That latke man, had run through the woods. And he was full of mud and twigs and did not taste good! So the fox said to the latke man, “Run, run as fast as you can, keep on running you latke man! “Rutz, Rutz, atah levivah, tamshich larutz ki atah mehir norah!” רוץ, רוץ, אתה לביבה, תמשיך לרוץ, כי אתה מהיר נורא!
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12. Hop Mein Hamentaschen, traditional song with new lyrics by Joanie Calem Yachne Dvoshe’s all confused, gone to do her shopping. Buying everything she needs to make her Hamentaschen. Chorus: (sing 2x) Hop, meine Hamentaschen, Hop, meine weise, Hop mit meine Hamentaschen, Hut Pasirt a meise. Rain is falling, snow is dropping, all the roofs are dripping. Yachne’s bringing flour home but in a bag that’s ripping. Chorus She puts no sugar nor no yeast, the filling is forgotten. But in the oven getting hot are Yachne’s bad hamentaschen. Chorus Yachne takes a mishloach manos to her mother-in-law, two or three black Hamentaschen, some half-burnt, some raw. Chorus
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Lech L'cha 03:50
14. Lech L’cha ©2009 Long long ago, lived a man named Abraham. He listened to God’s words, he listened to God’s plan. His wife was Sarah, a woman strong and true. Together they led their people away from all that they knew Chorus: “Lech Lecha,” God said to Abraham. “Leave this place, and go to Canaan land. There you shall be, the leader of a nation. I will bless you and make your name grand.” Abraham and Sarah, proved their trust and faith. By leaving their land, and going to a new place. Their home and tent were known, far and wide as a place where strangers were welcome, There was always room inside. Chorus: “Lech Lecha,” God said to Abraham. “Leave this place, and go to Canaan land. There you shall be, the leader of a nation. I will bless you and make your name grand.” Like Abraham and Sarah, so long ago, when God gives us a message, we must be ready to go. We may not lead a nation, we have different roles to play, but still we must be daring, and try things in a new way. Chorus: “Lech Lecha,” God said to Abraham. “Leave this place, and go to Canaan land. There you shall be, the leader of a nation. I will bless you and make your name grand.”

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released January 1, 2017

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Joanie Calem Columbus, Ohio

Joanie Calem is a folk musician, singer/song-writer, storyteller and inclusion advocate for audiences of all ages. Joanie writes songs and sings about life's different twists and turns, angles and perspectives, telling stories through her songs of the ups and downs of reality. She performs regularly at festivals, retirement homes, shelters, libraries and schools throughout the US and abroad. ... more

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